Frank: [0:00] Well, this is the little kitten. Look at him; he's getting to be a big boy now. He's still vicious, but he's getting big. In case you're wondering what he used to look like, he used to look like this one. This little one is his new friend. Come on, fly away.
I'm getting fat. Somebody commented on my braces—that's English for what I think Americans call suspenders. But here in England, they're braces. Someone asked, "When is it cool to wear them?" Well, I've always worn them since I was about 14 or 15 because it was a fashion back then. I never grew out of the fashion. But now, I wear them for a different reason.
Most of my working life, I was a telephone engineer. I used to climb poles, work in the ground with cables, climb poles, and so on. One morning, I was on the side of a motorway—a big main road. It was rush hour, and the traffic was going mad, zooming past me. I had just done a job up a pole. Back in those days, I just wore the company trousers—I didn’t wear braces.
We had a belt that clipped around us, and you’d swing it around the pole, clip it on, and climb up. Once you reached the steps, you’d go up further. Anyway, I came down from the pole, got to my van, and grabbed my ladder. I took off my belt and stood there holding the ladder, half on and half off the van. I didn’t realize I hadn’t clipped my trousers properly. And then, right there, my trousers dropped to my ankles! There was all this traffic going by.
I just dropped the ladder, ran to the side of the van, embarrassed as anything, thinking, "Half the world just saw my trousers fall down." I bet they had a good laugh at that. It was so embarrassing. I put my trousers back on, but the catch was wearing out—it was breaking. I thought, "I’ll just get through the day."
Later that day, I was up another pole, this time in a field. Thankfully, there were no people around—or at least I hoped there weren’t. I got to the top of the pole, got my tools out, and as I stood there on the steps at the top, my trousers went again!
I tried to hold onto the pole and fix them, but I couldn’t. So I thought, "I’ll climb down," but I couldn’t climb down because my legs were stuck together, tangled in the trousers. I was practically tied up! So, I had to kick my trousers off, and they blew across the field. I climbed down the pole and had to run across the field to retrieve my trousers and put them back on.
After that, I went straight home and got myself a pair of braces. I’ve worn them ever since. I don’t ever want that to happen again.
You see, I’m not the wisest person. People think I’m wise, but I wasn’t very wise that day. I got caught once, and then I went and did it again.
Anyway, I thought I’d play a little song that feels quite fitting for this story.
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